Back to school today. Last term. 7 weeks of class with 2 weeks of exams in between. A month of
holiday study. 5 exams to complete the 14 years of schooling. Then finished.
Lord make it go fast. Please.
Although, I’m still concerned over what I’m going to do when I finish. I’m trusting that God will come through at the last minute, as He often does, and show me where to go, but I can’t help thinking about it. It’s sort of just always there.
Very very early this morning there were a couple of hours where I don’t even know if I was asleep or awake, but my mind was constantly on the season 4 finale of Chuck, which I watched on Saturday. I keep thinking of Chuck and Sarah and their wedding and how incredibly, beautifully perfect they are for each other, as a couple and just in everything. I know I’m sort of supposed to and really I always have modeled my desire for a marriage relationship on Christian couples around me, but watching those two just made me want that more than any other I’ve seen. It is so, so beautiful. They know each other inside out, they are each other’s counterpart, they function together. They cannot do life separately. And if I could have a wedding, it would look just like theirs.
Reason #3068 I love Chuck.
I’m absolutely terrible at writing a journal. I really am. I love writing, I love having my journal and all the paper and everything, but I never keep up with it. So I’ll type instead. Maybe this will work. I want to keep track of my journey from now till…I don’t know. Till some point. So one day I can show my kids and they can have a glimpse of their mum’s life.
Currently, I’m a little underwhelmed with life. I’m 18, I’m just about finished school, I’m waiting on God to guide me into the next step, but still not really knowing where to go. I know what I want to end up doing – loving children, somewhere in the world, hopefully the U*raine or other parts of Ea*tern Europe, where orphans, the abandoned, and children with special needs are treated as the lowest of society. But I not only want to love them and care for them as my own, I want to change the whole culture. I don’t just want to fix the problem, I want to stop the problem from happening in the first place. How I do that? No idea. But I know that God is also a lot smarter than me and if I just wait on him and let Him work, everything will fall into His perfect will and His plans will prevail. Just this morning I was reminded of His words to us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6.
Trust is a tricky thing. But I’ll learn. He will teach me. I’m pretty down at the moment, but once you’re down isn’t the only way you can go up?