Back to school …

Aside

Back to school today. Last term. 7 weeks of class with 2 weeks of exams in between. A month of holiday study. 5 exams to complete the 14 years of schooling. Then finished.

Lord make it go fast. Please.

Although, I’m still concerned over what I’m going to do when I finish. I’m trusting that God will come through at the last minute, as He often does, and show me where to go, but I can’t help thinking about it. It’s sort of just always there.

Very very early this morning there were a couple of hours where I don’t even know if I was asleep or awake, but my mind was constantly on the season 4 finale of Chuck, which I watched on Saturday. I keep thinking of Chuck and Sarah and their wedding and how incredibly, beautifully perfect they are for each other, as a couple and just in everything. I know I’m sort of supposed to and really I always have modeled my desire for a marriage relationship on Christian couples around me, but watching those two just made me want that more than any other I’ve seen. It is so, so beautiful. They know each other inside out, they are each other’s counterpart, they function together. They cannot do life separately. And if I could have a wedding, it would look just like theirs.

Reason #3068 I love Chuck.

God is not limited to a career

I get trapped in the misconception that I am called to a career all the time. It’s such a commonly heard thing – ‘God has called me to be a lawyer’ or ‘I feel led to be a microbiologist.’ But since when did God start talking in terms of careers or job titles? I’ve been struggling with it myself very recently, I feel like my life has to be ‘defined’ by something, like I am a speech pathologist or I am a corresponent for an aid organisation or I am a missionary. Do we limit God’s image in us by doing that? Shouldn’t our one, pure definition be that of ambassador of Christ?

In the Great Commission God called all of us to go out into the world and make disciples of every nation. Does that mean we are all called to be ‘missionaries’ or ‘pastors’? No, but we’re all called to go out into the world and make disciples. In James 1:27 God commands us to look after orphans and widows. Are we then meant to dedicate our lives to being aid-workers or adopting parents? No, but we’re all called to physically help or financially support or intercede for the least of society – to actively participate in God’s ministry to the poor. Just like Proverbs 31:8 tells us to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. I could take this to mean that my life’s work is to be dedicated to being a legal advocate for the destitute. Where then would the doctors be? Where would the farmers be? Who would make clothes, and who would sell us our groceries at the supermarket? Who would build houses? Who would we call if we had a blocked pipe or a tree that was falling down?

I focus too much on careers and titles. All these verses are not just relevant to those working directly in those areas, they are for all children of God and, indeed, all humanity. I am called to speak justly and care for orphans and share the Word of God with the world in whatever situation I happen to find myself in, in whatever way God has made me able to. I get worried because, as I finish school, I don’t know what I’ll be next year. I don’t know what uni course I’ll do, and what title I’ll work under. But really, why should that matter? I know exactly who I am and exactly what God’s mission for me as His representative is. Isn’t that enough?

No more nice school

Lately has been one of those times where I’ve felt really distant from God. It’s a really dreadful cycle, I’m close to God and spending a lot of time with Him, then I spend less and less time with Him and grow distant and start to become slightly enamoured with the world around me, and I want to get back on track with Him but I know the way to do that is to spend more time with Him but something in me doesn’t want to because that takes effort…it’s like battling myself. And I know that more than I could ever want to live a life of this world, as appealing as it sounds, I want even more to live a life submitted to God, because it is only then that I will truly find fulfillment. Darn the human spirit.

I’m still struggling over what to do next year. My two main options I’m considering at the moment are International Studies and Speech Pathology. Completely different, I know, but really I just don’t know what God wants me to do, and it’s a little frustrating at times. But at the same time I know I have to trust in Him, otherwise things will go awry.

On the note of frustration, I’m entirely fed up with the education system. I used to love school, now I really don’t purely because of the pressure it puts on a young life, and the focus of the whole system. I believe that God created us with a natural curiosity and thirst for learning that is to be cultivated our whole lives, but school gradually makes it about studying and marks and everything it’s NOT meant to be. Everyone says that this whole year is focused on the HSC, and what is it you get out of the HSC? An ATAR, which is not even a mark, but a ranking. It’s a competition. Since when did learning become constant studying and boredom and pressure and unhappiness just to get a mark which isn’t even a mark but your place in the competition of every school student in the state? No wonder so many young people reach the end of high school and don’t want to go on to further study, because they are SICK of study. It’s not learning the way God designed it, and it really does push a whole lot of importance out of life. I’ve always been interested in homeschooling my kids when I’m older and this current resentment is pulling me more into wanting to do that. I don’t ever want them to dislike learning, or be restricted to competitive education. It’s a beautiful day today and I could be outside enjoying the sunshine, spending quality time with people, doing things I enjoy, taking part in ministry, any number of things but instead I’m inside looking at my large pile of studying, of which the result is one ranking number. I know that God wants me to do my best in whatever situations He places me in, and I know that at this moment that is in Year 12 at school doing the HSC. But golly it’s hard to be motivated and do my best when I feel like it’s entirely and competely not what He wanted for us.

This is making it incredibly hard for me right now, I’m a terrible procrastinator and I’m meant fo be studying all throughout these holidays – see, again, exams and marks taking over – but I haven’t, I’m just tired of school and studying and I should be writing an Extension History essay right this second but it’s so hard to make myself do it. Hence venting my irritation.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

1 Corinthians 10:31

Lord help me.